dream a little dream of me!

There is a dream that keeps repeating itself lately... It’s a dream that I never want to wake up from… That’s the place in my mind where we’re happy each time we’re together... where you are able the see behind the blinding veil that’s been covering our eyes ever since you decided not to care. In my dreams I never have to wonder what if I’d acted differently, because you already know me…you already love me as much as I do…we sit around and talk about anything and nothing altogether…we don’t have to worry about the walls we’ve built so carefully over time…sometimes I lie in bed silently close to your chest only to hear your heartbeats and it feels like it’s all I need to keep me going… other times we’re running away as if, somehow, this would be the only way we could ever be together… Sometimes I just dream about all the things I imagined we’ve promised ourselves that we would do… In my dreams there are no rules on how you or I should behave, on how often I should look for you, because I never have to… you’re there because you want to, because I need you with my whole mind, body and soul… because only THERE you are able to see that we’re so right for each other on every possible level… and I’m happy…WE are HAPPY... This is why I hate waking up… In fact, I’m also afraid to go back to sleep only for fear of not finding you and loosing you again and again…and again, each time reality strikes…But still... let me have my little dream of us…at least for a little while longer, even though I know that the awakening will be more and more painful…

Findings...

I lost myself out in the cold and the darkness only to find myself into pieces. I picked them all up in discontent, repeatedly asking myself on how it all got to this. At the beginning of our journey we all imagine ourselves to become nothing but great in anything we do: on a professional or personal level. Of course we’re misled by the idea that we could do it anyhow… Even though at some point we’re warned that we might fail and that we need to fight in order to achieve it, we still need to face some storms on our own, in order to realize that. No matter how strong you are, you still get beaten, at least once in your life, by the odds. The only differential fact is based on the way we cope. This divides us by categories. Some of us struggle more to deal with a disappointment, some are crying their souls out to anyone ready to listen…some find comfort in all sorts of addictions to feel numb at least for a little while…some pretend to be happy, only to hide their weakness among their acquaintances…some find refuge in reading, painting, singing, writing (or any kind of hobby of whatsoever)…some are isolating themselves from the world….some just ignore anything and move on in a blink of an eye, only to realize later in life what a significant psychological impact has that disappointment had on their subconscious. Now, the funny thing is that some of us experience al these states of spirit approximately simultaneously or at least in short period of time. I’ve been through all of these phases…No one really truly cares to see you better…In fact, even those who appear to listen are secretly and involuntary judging. Friends seem to forget about the man you truly are. Acquaintances try to find their way through your weakened shield. No one and nothing can fix your problems but yourself! There’s only you with your chaotic puzzle that eventually needs to be put together in order to see the big picture…
I’d like to say I’ve overcome each and every difficulty, but the fact is that each day is a struggle…a struggle to find the inner self, a struggle to find the right path, to make the right choices, to be a better human being,…a struggle to find those things in life, or those people who can really make you happy, even for a little while… Oh, happiness, I’m still longing to find you… Oh, lost ME, I’m still trying to figure you out…